He Was Quite the Rebel, and I am Exaggerating Only Very Slightly.

Today in Young Women we did the obligatory lesson of things we want in our future spouse; I've done this lesson several times before, but I decided to try a bit harder this time and make a more complete list. Extend my list I did, and when we counted, I ended up having the longest one. She began taking things off of our lists and writing them on the board, and I realized that while most people had things like "respectful," or "temple worthy," mine had those along with very lengthy requirements I've always thought of as obvious. Apparently I've been wrong, and most people didn't even think about the things I've listed; not only this, but as soon as I got home, Brittany started harassing me about how no man lived up to all these requirements, and how I was going to marry some Adonis.

I know she was only joking, but I did find that somewhat offensive; should I lower my standards because not every man out there is like this? I may have to work harder to find him, heck, I'll be glad if I can find someone that truly loves me for who I am, but I am determined not to let the man I'm going to spend all eternity with be someone who just did "well enough" on my requirements list; because that's what it really is. They are requirements of things I know are necessary in order for me to have not only a holy temple marriage, but also a working marriage with a partner who complements me and makes me a better person. I am a princess; I am a beautiful temple, a daughter of almighty God, and I deserve and require every one of these traits in a spouse.

Not to say that I should just expect every one of these things on a silver platter; after we'd completed our lists, she had us cross off the title, which was previously "Things I Want in a Future Spouse." She told us to rename our list "Things I Need to Develop to Become a Better Spouse." With a few adjustments, of course (I can never be a priesthood holder, for example), if we want an "Adonis" husband, we need to become every one of those things to deserve such a Superman. I understand that; I'm not trying to be cocky or selfish, I'm just trying to become the best I can be, have a lasting and wonderful marriage, as well as give myself what I deserve for eternity. After all, who wants to spend all time and eternity with someone who was just "good enough"?

Things I Want in a Husband

• Intelligent--- Alright, this has always been one of the number one things I need in a husband. I value my mind and my education, and I can't handle to be with someone who simply throws that all away; the scriptures tell us that after we die, we can take our knowledge with us; we will have our minds, and everything that we've learned here on this earth. I strive to learn everything I can and to strengthen my mind, and I need to have a husband that I can sit down with an have an intelligent, meaningful conversation with. I don't want to attempt to bear my soul to this man, only to have him not have the schema or vocabulary to understand and converse with me. 
• Return Missionary--- This one is for the obvious reasons. But I do want someone who has traveled and taught God's plan to those who need it; I'm the first person to admit that I'm not the most righteous person in the world. I know that, and I need to work on it. But I need someone devoted enough to the gospel that he would devote two entire years of his life to it, to help keep me on the right path; I am more easily tempted than I would like, and while I need to work on it, I'm not going to make it if I don't have a husband who is willing and able to help me. 
• Temple Worthy--- I am getting married in the temple. End of story. 
• Priesthood Holder--- I don't want to live my life with my children needing to be baptized by someone other than their father. I don't want to live my life needing to call someone in my ward for a priesthood blessing. I don't want to live my life telling my children that the priesthood is a wonderful, sacred thing, while their father isn't worthy enough to hold it. I can't live my life like that. 
• Romantic--- This probably sounds really dumb... But I'm an incredibly romantic person, and I need to be deeply and incomparably in love with my husband, and I need him to be able to express to me how much he loves and needs me; I'm expecting myself to do the same, which I know I need to work on. I tend to think about all the things I love in the people around me, but have a horrible time of looking them in the eye and telling them. 
• Mature--- Alright, this somewhat goes along with the "intelligent" portion; again, I really need someone that can sit down with me and have a mature conversation, can be an adult, and can tell me honestly when I'm just being stupid and need to improve. 
• Humorous--- This is somewhat an extension on the above; I need someone who's mature, but any of you who know me know that I can't have someone who's all stuffy and proper all the time. He needs to make me laugh! He needs to be able to take a joke, and throw one back. He needs to be able to laugh in hard times, and not always have a stoic expression. Once when I was little, I asked my mother why she married my dad. She told me that he made her laugh; he made her happy. I've always found that important. 
• Attractive to ME--- This doesn't necessarily mean physically; I'm making no physical expectations for my husband. He has to have those little things that I find attractive; the little quirks and oddities that make me love him, that make me want to figure all of them out. I need him to have interests and obsessions that are odd and individual, some little things that make him attractive to me, personally. I can't expand on this one much, because I obviously don't know what they are yet, but I'm excited to find out. 
• Accepts me as I am--- This doesn't mean that he just lets me be lazy and do whatever I want; he still has to have standards, I just need him to be accepting. He can't try to change me, he has to love me for me. 
• Makes me better--- This is because of the first one; while he is accepting, he needs to be able to tell me when I'm messing up, and be an influence for the better. He needs to be a friend that helps me, and we need to be a partnership that helps each other become the best they can be. Live is a progression. 
• Open Minded--- This is one thing I need in friends, everyone; my two biggest pet peeves are stupid people and closed minded people. I will not be able to marry a man who is too stuck up to be accepting and open minded. 
• Loves God--- I think this somewhat goes along with all the other religious things I've explained; I need someone to help me be better, to stay with the gospel, to hold the priesthood.... 
• Complements me--- I procrastinate a lot, maybe he'll always be on time. I'm very emotional, maybe he'll be very rational. Who knows, I haven't met the man yet, but I've always felt that one thing which makes a marriage work is to be complementary to each other; yes that does mean that I'm going to want to complement him as well. 
• Not easily offended---  My humor is somewhat sarcastic, and if taken the wrong way, can be offensive. I need him to understand this, and not be someone who gets easily offended. I would love for him to be somewhat like me in that he doesn't really care as much about what people think.
• Philosophical--- Okay, Brittany, I don't mean he has to be a Nietzsche or anything. I think you took this more literally than I'd intended it. I don't mean literally a student of philosophy or anything, I just mean that I would like my husband to be very thoughtful in this way; he needs to think about life, and I would like to be able to have some lengthy discussions with him about things like this. That's all I meant. 
• Educated--- Again, this somewhat goes along with intelligence... I suppose intelligence is really important to me, haha. I'm honestly hoping to meet my husband while I'm at school; again, I'm hoping, that's not a requirement. But I do need someone intelligent, and I guess... This also means he's got enough of an education to be able to acquire a decent job and support my family. I am planning on having  career as well, but there will be a period of time when I'll want to just be at home with my children, and I'm expecting him to be able to at least support us for that period. 
• Empathetic--- This is both for my sake, and for my children's. I've always been told that I'm very empathetic and easy to talk to, and I would appreciate a husband who is the same way. I have depression, and as such, I need someone I can talk to, and who can be there for me when I'm at my lowest points; not only for me, but I need someone who can help me be there for our children. I don't want my children having grown up alone for no reason. 
• Life history--- I suppose this has a bit to do with the empathy... I would like for my husband to have lived through some hardship whether that be physical, emotional, social... I don't care, but he needs to have some experience, have grown from it, and just... Generally what I mean is that he can't be shallow. Unfortunate as it is, suffering brings a more beautiful luster to our colors. 
• Able to support--- I suppose I've already mentioned this in "education," but it was on my list.
• Artistic--- This is sort of like my mention of philosophy; I don't mean it literally, but... Cognitively, I suppose? I tend to become closest with the people who have aesthetic points of view, who think about the world as a beautiful, terrible place. That's the way I am, and it hurts me when people I love question that. 
• Good with kids--- Alright... I absolutely love children, but I am horrible with them, unfortunately. It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm the youngest child and as such never got the experience of caring for children; I can give them what they need, I'm just a bit awkward in playing with them and such, so I'm hoping for a husband who's good with kids, or is at least willing to figure it out with me. 
• Able to handle me--- As you all know, I'm a very emotional person, and quite frankly, I can be a horrible mess when I'm on my period or having a bout of depression. He'll just... Need to be able to handle that, and be able to understand that no, I don't hate him, I just need someone to hold me and talk me through it. 
• Requires SOME care--- I am a woman and do have that natural nurturing tendency... But that does not mean I want to nurse my husband through life. I am expecting him to handle me and help me through my hard times, but I want to be able to do the same for him. I want to be there for him, and I want to be the one he comes to when he's having a hard time. 
• Selfless--- This is a hard one, and definitely one I need to work on myself. He needs to be able to sacrifice for the greater good of our family at times; I realize this from my mother. 
• Compromise--- Again, one I need to work on. I'm very stubborn, and both of us need to be able to compromise to make the marriage work. I don't have much to say about this one, but I know it's necessary for any working relationship.
• Mental depth--- This was also on the list, but I think I've adequately covered this by now.
• Hard worker--- Both a hard worker, and works well with me. This applies to every aspect of life; our relationship, his career, our family, everything. We need to work together at things, so we need to be able to work together, as well. We'll be living with each other, loving each other, and our lives become one goal; we need to be able to do it fluently and as well as we can. 
• Literary--- This is one I'm willing to give on, but I would prefer to have. I enjoy reading so much, it would just be nice to have a partner in life who has read some of the same things I have, and would be able to discuss them and enjoy them with me. Again, not vital, but it would be nice. 
• Loves me unconditionally--- People slip and fall, and the one person I'm going to need when that happens is my husband. I need him to love me enough to want to pull me back up and help me continue on with my life the way it needs to be lived. I'm not saying he won't be hurt, upset, or angry when I mess up; I just want him to love me through it, and to want to help me make it better. 
• Respect--- Me, my children, women, people in general; he should respect human life, people and their judgement... It's in this category I count things like abuse, things like that; they seem simple and obvious, but I want to put it down in writing. I tend to revel in abuse and accept it when it happens because my depression tells me I deserve it. I need someone who can respect me and not let that happen.
• Humble--- Another simple one that I also need to work on. Not much to say about it... 
• Dates after marriage--- I actually hadn't thought about this one, but my YW leader mentioned it; she told us that after you get married and have kids, you will want to go out on dates with your husband more than ever, so he should want it too. It hadn't even previously occurred to me, but now that it's been mentioned and I'm thinking about it, I think it really would mean a lot to me; again, I need someone romantic.
• Similarities--- This one is somewhat obvious, but we need to have something in common. I don't want to marry an exact duplicate of myself, but if we don't have anything at all that's a common interest, what will we even have to talk about? If we're going to spend all of eternity together, I think I'll need someone that's at least a little like me. 
• Loyal--- Another one like respect; it seems like something just expected, but it really is very important. You don't know how things like this affect me, I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say I honestly would want to kill myself, and may actually do it if the person I loved was not loyal to me. 
• Grow old together--- Every day should be an adventure, even if it's when we're old and confined to wheelchairs, just sitting and being with each other. I want him with me every day for the rest of my life, and I'll be with him through all of the retirement, the senility, everything. I've always found sentimental elderly couples to be the sweetest, most romantic thing in the world. 
• A complex puzzle--- He can't be shallow; I need him to be a puzzle, and adventure that I want to spend the rest of my life discovering and figuring out. I'm complex and emotional, I only hope that my soul mate will be the same way. 
• Treats me like a daughter of God--- I think I've covered this in all of the little things... But it's one of the most important things on this list. I need to be loved, respected, treated well. And I will treat him like a son of God.