Hm.

Well, I was just reading Emilie Autumn's The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, and I was in the bit about blood-letting and modern cutting. I was reading through and finding it interesting, (and dare I say a bit nostalgic, because honestly, has anyone never once in their life thought about it?) and remembering friends who had done the same, comparing their mindsets... Then I got to one bit in her "cutting journal" (a device recommended by her doctor; not a record of when she cuts, per se, but more how she feels when she does it so he can try to help her), and apparently ever since she was little, she pulled out her eyebrows and eyelashes. This shocked me a bit, because, those of you that know me or have for a while should know that ever since elementary school, I pulled out my hair and eyelashes. Mostly my eyelashes, which was cause for much teasing in Jr High. I remember kids stealing my stuff and making me tell them why I had no eyelashes, and there was a time when several girls thought I was in some weird cult and had burned them off. How anyone could burn their eyelashes off, I'll never know. And I think mom remembers the time when I pulled out so much hair that I had a bald spot I desperately tried to cover with my remaining hair.

I was surprised, because I honestly never knew anyone else did that. I always thought I was weird, especially with everyone always asking how I could stand to do it, and doesn't that hurt? It was slightly comforting knowing that someone else out there had done the exact same thing and wasn't quite able to stop. (I still do it to this day. I can mostly control myself, but there are times I just can't help it and yank out the little ones in the corners of my eyes.) Why do I feel like I'm making some odd confession? Everyone knows this, everyone knows I've pulled out all my eyelashes.

Maybe because now I've looked it up. In her cutting record, she asked her doctor what that was; she'd always done it and wanted to know if it had a name. Needless to say, that thought had never actually occurred to me until that moment. Well of course I had to look it up. It's called Trichotillomania, and I quote from Wikipedia to make things easier on myself:

Trichotillomania is classified in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) as an impulse control disorder, but there are questions about how it should be classified. It may seem, at times, to resemble a habit, an addiction, a tic disorder or an obsessive–compulsive disorder. The disorder "leads to noticeable hair loss, distress, and social or functional impairment", and is "often chronic and difficult to treat".

I don't quite know how to respond to this. I know I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, but... I don't know. I've done this since what? Fourth grade? And I'm just now discovering that it's an acknowledged "habit, addiction, tic disorder, or obsessive compulsive disorder," and that I'm not the only one who does it. Kind of a weird feeling.

Lashy

EDIT: I just discovered that they medicate people to "treat" this. I find this kind of silly, I mean, is it so horrible for me not to have eyelashes? xD They also suggest putting Vaseline on your eyelashes to make them harder to pull. Haha, yeah no.