.:Free Range Lashy:.

I'm sitting here reading on My Life is Average, and I just need to post some of these. Too good.

Today, I had an appointment to discuss my poorly written midterm paper with my professor in his office. After I knocked and nobody answered, I opened the door to find him with two earbuds jammed up his nose. He ripped them out and told me that he was going to change my grade from a D to a C, and then excused me. Thank you MLIA.

Today, I finally decided to ask my mother about the grosslooking, torn to pieces superman action-figure she had on her shelf. She told me that when I was younger, she said the phrase, "You are what you eat" and I had eaten the superman action figure. After the surgury to get it out of my stomach, she kept it. I made it into a necklace. MLIA

Today, in class, my teacher was taking attendance when he threw me one of my tops, telling me that I forgot it the night before. The entire class was speechless. Little did they know, the teacher is my half brother and last night was the end of my weekend at Mom's. MLIA.

Last night, I was brushing my teeth before bed. That's when I noticed that I always stare at my myself in the mirror while brushing. I thought it was silly and decided to stop looking in the mirror and just stare at the sink. That's when I completely missed my mouth and stuck my toothbrush up my nose. Now I know why the mirror is there. MLIA

Today, my friend has his appendix taken out. His mother and I were sharing a box of Gobstoppers while we waited for him to wake up from the anesthesia, and after pouring a few pieces into my hand, I dropped one. Upon the candy hitting the floor, my friend, who was still very much asleep, sat straight up in bed, said, "Who's wasting candy?" and laid back down. His mother and I couldn't stop laughing, and he has no memory of it at all. MLIA.

Today was the start of senior privileges. Since I go to a private school that has a dress code one of the senior privileges is "free dress." While some people wore sweats and jeans I wore a full dinosaur suit. MLIA

Today, while taking a walk outside, I passed a girl who looked about 11. She was singing "santa clause is coming to town" but with some of the words changed. I didn't realise what she was singing until I heard "he sees you when you're sleeping. you knows when you're awake. his name is edward cullen so be ready to get raped." you have restored my faith in today's youth, little girl. MLIA

Today I was at work when "Circle of Life" from the Lion King. I started to dramaticly sing along when a woman with her baby came in. She looked at me then raised her baby like Simba. Guess who got 50% off her purchase? MLIA

Today I was at the drugstore when I saw a pregnancy test with a sign that said "Now made just for women!". Thanks for clearing that up CVS. MLIA.

Today, I was called to the main office. They said I had a family emergency and that I was given permission to go home by my mother. When I got home, I called her right away to see what was going on. She told me she forgot to harvest her strawberries on Farmville and she wants me to harvest them before they die. I was too late. MLIA.

Today, a customer by the name of Victor Krumm called my work. Hesitantly, I asked him if he was familiar with Harry Potter. There was a pause, then he said in a worried, hushed tone, “Damn! The muggles know!” And hung up. I still don’t know what he was calling for originally. MLIA.

Yeah, you really don't have to read this post. XD

Today, my English teacher told us we had to write an essay on what we wanted to be when we were little. Most of the girls wrote Princesses,and most of the boys wrote race-car drivers. I was looking through my diary when I was 6...apparently I wanted to marry Big Bird, raise an army of mutant gummy worms, and take over Candyland. I got 100% and a Pokèmon sticker. MLIA

Today I cut my leg on a chair at school and got blood on my pants. At least six of my friends came up to me and told me seriously that I had gotten my period, and one gave me a tampon. I'm a 15 year old guy... who goes to an all guys school... who is still wondering where Bobby got that tampon. MLIA.

Today, my friend was talking about a calculator he wanted. He couldn't think of the word "calculator", though, so he said, "I want one of those black things that does stuff for me." Almost immediately, a shy kid in the back says, "What? A slave?" I still haven't calmed down. MLIA

Today, My friend asked for some gum so I gave her a piece. She proceeded to sarcastically say how it was the best thing she has ever had in her mouth. The shy kid who sits behind her then says, "I can change that". Guess who got a high five and the rest of my gum? MLIA

Today while at my friend's house, we heard a loud thud and her parents yelling from the basement. When we went down to check it out, we saw her dad tangled in red yarn and her mom doing a victory dance. I don't know what happened but i'm incredibly jealous of her right now. MLIA.

Today, I walked in on my big brother singing and dancing wearing a hot pink shirt and Kylie Minogue style hot pants. He turned around, saw me, and fell over the couch before saying he had to do it for his drama assesment. My brother is twenty-four, graduated six years ago, and they were my hot pants - I also got ninety percent of it on camera. MLIA

Today, my friend and I said hello to a man with a hook for a hand. I immediately hung my jacket on his hook before walking away without another word to him. My friend looked horrified and apologized profusely for me. I don't think I'll tell her that he's my dad, and I have coat rack privileges. MLIA

Today, I asked my dad to make me a milkshake. He told me to make one myself. I responded that I didn't know how to make a good milkshake. His response? "Well, that's why your single. No boys ever come to our yard." MLIA.

Today, I found that my boyfriend had his mom sign a note for him to get out of swimming due to his period. The note is now hanging in the p.e teacher's office for best excuse. Eddie, I will marry you. MLIA.

Today, this one boy in my senior honors english class asked our teacher if he could go to his locker, our 60 something yr. old male teacher told him only if he was quick. The boy, being a smart ass, said his middle name was quick. The teacher, without missing a beat, replied "yea, I hear all the girls complaining about that." The boys face was priceless. MLIA

Today, I was looking at the warning label on my new matress, it said; WARNING: Please do not attempt to swallow. I am wondering how many people have tried to swallow a twin sized matress and how it worked out for them. MLIA

Today, while eating a bag of M&M's, I picked up something out of the bag, but it didn't feel like an M&M. I looked down to discover it was a tiny plastic turtle. I have no idea where he came from, but he is now names Harold and is sitting on my window sill. MLIA.

Today, I tried out number 17 in the 333 ways to get kicked out of walmart : Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens...to which he replied, 'By God, they need me!' and took off running. MLIA

Okay, at this point I was curious as to what this list was and googled it. I must copy and paste number twently two. AWESOME.

22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"


Okay, I'm done. That just made my day, though; MLIA wins the internet.