I'm looking around the internet, and as always, have something random to share. This is from "A note about suicide (Not a suicide note)", some guy originally posted as a note on Facebook, but posted it on Wordpress later. It's interesting, and so true.
"The sad irony is that our emotional and mental health benefits greatly from talking and sharing. If someone has a broken arm, they are unlikely to be embarrassed or ashamed and will show-off their cast with pride. But talking about your arm won’t help it heal. Reversely, and perversely, someone living with a mental health issue is unlikely to openly talk about it – even though sharing thoughts and fears may be one of the best prescriptions." He's saying that everyone needs to share these things, and even though they're considered taboo, they shouldn't be. He said he'd start off and he started telling his story, and all the taboos he's pointing out are really interesting.
"I had a nervous breakdown two years ago. (Taboo #1. Don’t mention nervous breakdowns in public: Too much information! People will think you’re crazy, broken, dysfunctional, deficient, strange, and sick.) I quickly slipped into a deep dark pit of despair and had suicidal thoughts. (Taboo #2. Don’t talk about suicidal thoughts. You’ll scare your friends, alienate them, and then maybe lose them. And verbalizing suicidal thoughts make them more real. Ignore them and they’ll go away.) I immediately began crisis counseling, and then tried a few therapists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists until I found a good match. (Taboo #3. Don’t talk about therapy. Smart and strong people don’t need therapy. You’re broken. Damaged goods. Don’t tell anyone. You’ll lose friends, lovers, jobs, family.) I took sleeping pills to get through the hardest part, then I got hooked on a habit forming anti-anxiety medication called Ativan and then I was prescribed another med called Buspar, to help get me off of Ativan. (Taboo #4. Don’t talk about your meds. Keep it to yourself. No one needs to know that you can’t function normally, like everyone else.)" I've heard that so many times from different people, and felt it myself at times, "Just damaged goods that are more trouble than they're worth. Noone wants you, they lie when they say they care." The feeling of being alone no matter how many people are with you.
"I took a few risks early on, and started to share my feeling with people. I was surprised to find out how common despair is. Time and after time, people would thank me for being open and would share their own experiences with depression, medication, therapy and suicidal thoughts. After each interaction, I felt less alone, less broken, less alienated and slowly the hopelessness began to fade. The more I shared, the more positive feedback I received."
I'm liking the way he thinks, this is reminding me of myself: "Those of us who are compulsive critical thinkers, make our decisions based on a series of equations weighing those pros and cons. But I was terrified of the life equation. What would happen if I actually weighed the pros and cons of being alive? What if I said to myself “I didn’t choose this, so I need to decide for myself if I want it.”" He had six main points that he wanted to get across, and I agree with them. (sorry if half of this post is just quotes, but this is really interesting to me.)
1) Let’s work against the stigma that prevents all of us from talking openly about mental health. Let’s actively work towards a day when calling your boss to say you need the day off because you’re having a mental breakdown is as comfortable and acceptable as calling in with a cold. Don’t hide your own vulnerability, and encourage everyone around you not to hide their own.
2) Let’s talk about suicide. It’s a real choice, and we all pretend it doesn’t exist until a friend actually does it and then we wonder why he or she never reached out to talk about it. Pretending it’s not an option, a reality, a choice, won’t make it go away. People need to know that these thoughts are normal and okay.
3) Let’s talk openly about therapy. I’ve been trying to get used to saying things like “Noon won’t work for me. I’m seeing my psychiatrist at 11. I can meet you for lunch at 1.” Some would consider this “too much information”. Why? Who would be ashamed to say that they couldn’t have lunch at noon, because they have to go to the dentist? Who would accuse someone with a toothache that they are providing ‘too much information.’ Let’s get this out of the closet. Therapy is a good thing, and it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human, pro-active and invested in your own health and future.
4) Let’s talk about meds. People openly gather in bars to drink their problems away. So why are we ashamed to admit that we’re on Prozac, Ativan, sleeping pills, etc? There are two sides to this coin. And two discussions need to be sparked. The first is a heightened awareness of the risks associated with prescriptions. In many cases, these meds are overprescribed. Drugs are sometimes used instead of therapy, or instead of going to the root causes of the problem. More importantly, anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds can actually be dangerous if not used properly, or if the user is not monitored properly. In many cases, suicidal risk can actually increase, for a short period of time, when a new medication is started or a dosage is changed. Those are the risks. The other side of the coin is that some of these drugs can be lifesavers. Once an informed decision is made, we need to be much more supportive of the choice. Just as with the broken arm example, or the dentist, there is a tremendous amount of stigma around meds. Who would be embarrassed about popping a Tylenol, or admitting that they are on an anti-biotic, or cough medicine? We need to reach a space where we feel just as comfortable shaking out a tablet of Effexor, Celexa or Buspar in front of our friends. If we can’t share this with our friends and family, then we are just feeding perpetuating and cultivating our own isolation.
5) Please watch for warning signs in yourself, and in your friends and family. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or to offer help. Most importantly, make yourself available to listen.
6) Let’s talk about life in the context of choice, and share our reasons to choose life. This is the part where I encourage you to participate. I invite you to share your reasons, below, why you think life is worth living. I’ll compile all your reasons into a little book. I’ll make copies for everyone who contributes. I’ll make it small, so it fits in a pocket. It will have crisis numbers, and a space for you to write a short list of people to call when you are in crisis. It’s a “why, who & how” to getting off the ledge. Maybe I’ll call it “Ledge Reading”.
I really like his thinking and how he's dealing with it. It really makes me think of myself at times (Not really suicidal, but weighing the pros and cons of life), so this is kinda helping me think things through. While I'm at it (and by "it" I mean quoting like mad), I think I'll share some things I've hilighted in my books. ^_^ I'm weird, I mark my books, haha. Anyway, I'll start with A Mind That Found Itself. I haven't finished the book yet, so there's only really quotes from the beginning. Hm. Now that I'm looking through these, a lot of these quotes were really more of a personal connection to the author than anything. ^_^;;; Hm. Okay, skipping over these... Oh, here's a cool one. I don't know if anyone else will care, but I find this really interesting.
"That one's memory may perform its function in the grip of Unreason itself is proved by the fact that my memory retains an impression, and an accurate one, of virtually everythign that befell me, except when under the influence of an anaesthtic or in the unconscious hours of undistrubed sleep. Important events, trifling conversations, and more trifling thoughts of my own are now recalled with ease and accuracy; whereas, prior to my illness and until a strange experience to be recorded later, mine was an ordinary memory when it was not noticeably poor. At school and in college I stood lowest in those studies in which success depended largely on this faculty. Psychiatrists inform me that it is not unusual for those suffering as I did to retain accurate impressions of their experiences while ill. To laymen this may seem almost miraculous, yet it is not so; nor is it even remarkable. Assuming that an insane person's memory is capable of recording impressions at all, remembrance for one in the torturing grip of delusions of persecution should be doubly easy. This deduction is in accord with the accepted psychological law that the retention of an impression in the memory depends largely upon the intensity of the impression itself, and the frequency of it's repitition. Frear to speak, lest I should incriminate myself and others, gave to my impressions the requisite intensity, and the daily recurrence of the same general line of thought served to fix all impressions in my then supersensitive memory." Wow, the part I originally hilighted was a lot smaller than that, but it wouldn't have made sense if I hadn't put the rest of it. xD Sorry. There are a lot in here that are things like "Such are the deficiencies in the prevailling treatment of the insane that relief in one direction often occasions evil in another." because I'm interested in abuse in old asylums. Haha, I have weird obsessions.
Oh, I love this quote. "In the strict sense of the word there is no such thing as a stubborn insane person. The truly stubborn men and women in the world are sane; and the fortunate prevalence of sanity may be approximately estimated by the preponderance of stubbornness in society at large. When one possessed of the power of recognizing his own errors continues to hold an unreasonable belief- that is stubbornness. But for a man bereft of reason to adhere to an idea which to him seems absolutely correct and true because he has been deprived of the means of detecting his error- that is not stubbornness. It is a symptom of his disease, and merits the indulgence of forbearance, if not genuine sympathy. Certainly the afflicted one deserves no punishment." Hm, I think I'll switch books now. How about... Queen of the Damned? I mostly love the morbidity she usually has in them. ^/////^ Okay, not exactly morbidity, but I guess the dark, longing tone she usually uses. Bah, nevermind, here's a quote.
"Maybe she would find me more charming on account of what's befallen me- the unexpected horror I've seen, the inevitable pain I've endured. It's an awful truth that suffering can deepen us, give a greater luster to our colors, a richer resonance to our words. That is, if it doesn't destroy us, if it doesn't burn away the optimism and the spirit, the capacity for visions, and the respect for simple yet indispensable things."
"We live in a world of accidents finally, in which only aesthetic principles have a consistency of which we can be sure. Right and wrong we will struggle with forever, striving to create and maintain an ethical balance; but the shimmer of summer rain under the street lamps or the great flashing glare of artillery against a night sky- such brutal beauty is beyond dispute." I absolutely love that one. We all know what kind of beauty I like. ^w^
"Yes, my brother, forgive me for my scorn. I want it too, the goodness, the glory. But there is likely no destiny, and no redemption. Only what I see before me as I stand above this soiled and ancient ladscape- just birth and death, and horrors await us all." Oh oh oh, I love this next one. It's Lestat and Akasha talking.
"I could never explain to Nicolas, my friend, you know, that it was so important to... Believe in a concept of goodness, even if we make it up ourselves. We don't really make it up. It's there, isn't it?" "Oh, yes, it's there," she said. "It's there because we put it there."
"I give you no sublime reason for what I do because the reasons are simple and practical; how we came into being is irrelevant. What matters is that we have survived. Don't you see? That is the utter beauty of it, the beauty out of which all other beauties will be born, that we have survived."
"Exactly. Simplicity and brutality are synonymous in philosophy and in actions. It is brutal what you propose!" I love that line. This is Marius to Akasha when she wants to form the world to be her own (she's already killed 3/4 of the males in the world, haha.) and he keeps saying all these small things that really just... Say everything that needs to be said. His words are simple and brutal, like he just said. Like this part where he says that she can't protect them fromt their greatest foes, and she asks him what foes they have. "Disease, my Queen. Death. You are no healer. you cannot give life or save it. And they will expect such miracles. All you can do is kill." Everything he says is a slap in the face to her, I love Marius. Apart from Armand, he's probably my favorite character. Now I want to read The Vampire Armand, haha. Okay, one more quote and I'm done. ^_^ This is from Lestat again.
"It was haunted; but real hauntings have nothing to do with ghosts finally; they have to do with the menace of memory." LOVE. Okay, I'll leave you alone now. Though I doubt anyone actually read through that whole thing, haha.
<3 Lashy
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