*sigh* I am so glad it's Friday! Nothing horrible has really happened this week (then again, does it ever?), but it's been a kinda stressful week, homework wise. It was one of those weeks you were just waiting for the weekend to come and it never seemed to. Now it's finally here. :) Honestly, I was much more tired than usual this week. I knocked out on my bed at seven the other night, while I was doing homework. Uugh. I'm going to try to sleep well tonight, sleep in and catch up.
Mahh. I'm so nervous for the 15th. I have my first appointment with Dr Daley. That's the therapist Brittany sees, and I'm going to start as well, now. I'm so afraid that I'll seem like another one of those stupid teenagers trying to be emo and searching for attention, you know? I'll have months where I'll be awesome, and I'll have months where I literally have fantasies of carving people's eyes out and using them as ornaments. (Can you tell I had a happy Christmas? xD) Anyway, I was having a really bad time when mom set the appointment, but now I feel fine. Seriously, I feel good with life right now, I'm enjoying it. I'm worried he won't see what's wrong because there won't BE anything wrong when I go. Then I'll stop seeing him and it will start over again, and I'll see no point in living.... *headdesk*
And looking back on school, I was kind of having some of those months the first two or three months of school. Kind of explains why I just sit there in some of my classes like English and Biology. (I already explained about how I act some way, then I'll always return to that mindset in a different post) Yeah, I'm also scared I'll do that with Dr Daley and, again, that he won't really see the actuality of my issues. xD I fail at this game. Brittany keeps telling me that he'll KNOW which questions to ask and whatnot, and I know that's true, but I don't trust myself with it. I have a horrible time of expressing my emotions/thoughts to people, I just can't do it. I don't trust anyone else with them, and I wouldn't know how to explain them anyways. I don't know what I'm going to say to him. I don't know HOW I'll be able to say it, I only really talk to Aisha, and even then I hardly skim the surface of what I'm thinking. When I get down, I have a tendancy to either zone out into my own world, or to just put on a smile and pretend that everything is normal. I really don't want to do that with him, but at the same time, I really don't want to leave my emotions raw and exposed.
Le sigh, the teen angst is making me sleepy. I'll leave you all alone now and go to bed. Well, I'm technically in it already, but you get what I mean. Gah, nevermind. Post.
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